Quote from Gay & Katie Hendricks:
Withdrawal and projection are the natural outcomes of withholding. When you withhold, you keep inside yourself things that should be expressed. The very act of hiding these things takes you one step back from the relationship. A result of this withdrawal is that you will begin to project. In other words, you will begin to attribute to other people things that are actually issues of your own.
…we aren’t responsibility for creating all the bad things that happen to us. But we can claim responsibility for the bad things that happen and learn a lot about ourselves by doing so. It all depends on whether you think of responsibility as something you are or as something you do. For us, the onlyuseful way of thinking about responsibility is as something we do. We use an operational definition of responsibility, not a theoretical one: Responsibility is an action you take, not a quality that can be assigned. A judge and jury can assign responsibility to a criminal for an act, but that criminal’s life will not begin to change until he or she makes a conscious choice to take responsibility…
The key point is this: There is tremendous healing power in taking responsibility for something right now in the present, but no healing value in looking back to the past to blame yourself or anyone else.
Willingness to learn from each moment--as opposed to defending ourselves by stonewalling, explaining, justifying, withdrawing, blaming--is much more important than IQ, family background or education. The great advantage of openness-to-learning is that you're in charge of it at all times. You can choose to shift out of defensiveness into genuine curiosity at any moment.
If you tell the truth at all times, you will have clear relationships with everyone. If you do not, things will get out of control very quickly. To get back into the flow of harmony, all your have to do is look to see where you stopped telling the truth to yourself or someone else, and fix it by telling the truth.
The choice to experience life as a genuinely powerful person librates a huge amount of creative energy, and most people are unwilling to enjoy that amount of energy.